never been kissed

Something I forgot about this film: Drew Barrymore plays a reporter—a copy editor turned investigative reporter—which is Cinderella-story enough for this unpaid fact checker! The scoop? Investigate high schoolers! Find out what those gosh darn kids are really up to! (The most realistic moment of the film is the editor-in-chief assigning stories based on meaningless daily events—in this case, his son lying during dinner).

If that’s actually the goal of this film—to investigate those chickadees—this is a laughing failure. Stereotypes are the meat of this shit sandwich, and Barrymoore simply climbs the popular ladder through each caricature. Whereas Mean Girls and Heathers explored more groups than just the Nerds (math team, The Denominators) and the Pops (Jessica Alba and friends in Barbie prom outfits), NBK is content to go no further—it’s as if thirty kids populated the entire school, attending all of the same classes. The heartthrob here is doubly a problem: he’s a gay twenty-five year old actor, who’s a little too pleased to wear a codpiece in the prom scene. My biggest cringe wore itself across my face during the requisite English Class “what we’re reading is meaningful to the plot of the film as a whole” Scene. “We feel freer when we’re wearing a mask.” Doy.

Still—the love interest is totally hot, although his straight-boy hockey thing goes a bit too far. And the great jewel of this film is Barrymoore’s character: a very believable copy editor who plays her life by the letter keys, enjoys coating her loveless bed with needlepoint pillows, and traipses around the house in an argyle sweater dress. Brother Rob (that dude who dates Courtney Cox) enjoys the film’s brightest moments: either when he’s stomaching cole slaw (he plays her brother and requite Cool Kid Who Turns Out To Be Nice) or making out with gymnasts (she’s blonde).

Perhaps the trials and successes of this film are best summed up in a brief spurt of dialogue at Rob’s work:

Rob: Are those pants, or a skirt?
Josie: I got it on sale.

YES. The film flits between pants (feminist liberation, a good hard-hitting newspaper movie) and a skirt (stereotypical teen drivel). And YES, I got it on sale—I only watched it because my friends wanted to. But they made cookies, too.